There is a thin line between realism and pessimism that I tread on all the time. It's my normal state of mind. I am always preparing for the worst but at the same time trying to look like I have hope for the best. Faith is such a weapon. Faith is such a disguise. It is the biggest folly and sometimes your only savior. It pulls you down or keeps you afloat.

And in spite of all my cynicism, I cannot deny the fact that I am living closest to a dream at present. For the last 6 months, I have been happy and secure and self assured. In a transient world and time, my biggest comfort and strongest wall of support remains a person that entered my life without plan and changed it. He changed me. Into a much nicer, more selfless, cheesier version of myself. Into someone who thinks things over more carefully and doesn't just do the first thing that comes to her mind. Into someone who cares about the consequences of her own actions. Into someone who closes her eyes and trusts. Into a better person.

It's amazing how I start every new day with the same anticipation. It's amazing how we can walk around a bookstore and lean over laughing over toy  and bookshelves. It's amazing how he can continue gently persuading me when I am being irrationally stubborn. Its amazing how he can patiently watch me try to steer his car into a crazy U-turn and not be impatient. It's amazing how he plans things to perfection. It's amazing how he can make anyone laugh. It's amazing how I can never get bored of him. It's amazing how I am always wishing for more time. It's amazing how we can just be together and yet be ourselves.

It is amazing how I can be impossibly low and start writing about him and feel much better and lucky and blessed.

It is pretty fucking amazing.

I love you. In case you still read.