There are so many times I am reminded of this one reality of my life. Of who I am as a person. It doesn't stem out of a lot of introspection. Mostly it is just common sense. Over the years, I have found that I search for things or people or situations to make me happy, but I have no qualms in being rock-bottom low for no conceivable reason.

Now one might point out that it is highly improbable for someone to be upset about nothing at all. There is always something simmering right below the surface, waiting to boil over and overpower you mentally and emotionally. Partly true. But there are many times when I reach that place..that really dark, negative place because of so many tiny unrelated events, that they really cannot validate such an extreme downward spiral. At times like these, it is impossible for me to remain rational. Positivity is a far cry when you feel like your brain is wrapped around with sponge, compressing it...muffling your every sense.Till you feel this strong sense of dissociation..like somebody physically uprooted you from your body and you are just a lifeless spectator to your own world. Silence screams. It screams loudly.

The Delhiite says sometimes I speak like I am a whole other person. He is right. I am a living contradiction to myself...my life is a bunch of extremities. I can be annoyingly optimistic or negative beyond hope. I can either give someone every second of my time and ounce of my energy, or I can completely shut off and withdraw from people I once considered important. I take time as a crutch to aid me to get over people and events or I hold on to something that never existed. I love and I hate. Sometimes both at the same time, and for the same person.

I have been here before, this is all much too familiar. But I have overcome all of it and proved myself wrong countless times. So above all, I have that tiny marvelous thing called hope that sees me through. When I cannot make sense of why everything is disintegrating around me, when my body is aching everywhere but its just in my mind, when I can't find any control over my own life, I still have that reassurance of my own past. The fact that I can overcome and move on. The fact that I once saw no end and still continued to walk, and haven't stopped yet.