Laziness is a full time job.
When I came to Europe almost a month and a half ago, I thought I would have plenty of time in my hands to write and here I am, writing my first blog post in two/three months. But it has never been my intention to fill this space with mandatory updates and to chronicle my life's events. It has merely been an escape; a place that allows me the privilege to ramble, ponder and judge my actions in retrospect. And that's what it shall be.
Every now and then, I stop and ask myself if I am being "good". If I am remembering to keep doors held open, working hard and being independent etcetera. One of my prime concerns is to not get too emotionally wound up with anything or anybody. It's also my biggest weakness, so I need to keep myself surrounded by people that remind me of it, which luckily, I have found.
In the last two months, I feel like I have changed as a person. They say it's not the place that matters but who you are with. And perhaps it is true. After a long time...maybe a lifetime, even, I have spent time with myself. Properly, without cheating. I have gone on walks alone, enjoying the feeling of being lost in a country that is separated by an ocean from home. Revelling on the pleasure of discovering new things that give me happiness. New experiences that I don't wish to share with anybody and cherish as my own. In the last two months, I have realized the beauty of things that are personal, that I can hold close to my heart and not be compelled to dissect and share and somehow in the process, see the shades of the entire picture turn duller. I have witnessed random incidents and people that have made me cheerful and filled me with a sense of unexplainable hope. Hope for a future that will hold infinite possibilities. For a present not marred with the constant fear of being lonely.
In the last two months, I have realized what I truly seek from my life; Beauty, in any form.
The beauty of sitting on the Spanish Steps and watching a newly wed bride throw a bouquet of flowers to a square full of nearly a thousand strangers, all joining in to celebrate her happiness. Each one of them, taking some time off their own agendas and sparing it to add some more joy to her special day.
The beauty of wandering alone in the rain from the milky white steps of the Piazza Venezia to the Forum, being lost in the crowds of a city that felt like Home, the minute I stepped into it. Being led by infinite faith in its people...the beauty of naivete.
The beauty of a small shop that takes your breath away when you bump into it while not expecting to. The thousand handwritten notes tacked all over its walls. Messages from students on backpacking trips, couples newly wed, writers, artists, dreamers. Messages to strangers, to share with them the joy they felt on discovering beauty where they didn't expect to.
The beauty of realizing ones own worth in the middle of sprawling squares, ancient buttresses, breathtaking gardens and bubbling fountains. The beauty of realizing that all that beauty could be yours if you chose to seize it. The wonderful realization that you are beautiful in your own way, and you are the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle to your happiness. The relief of knowing that there is nobody else that you need to complete it.
The feeling of wholeness.
The feeling of being complete.
The feeling of being satisfied.
The feeling of being happy.
When I came to Europe almost a month and a half ago, I thought I would have plenty of time in my hands to write and here I am, writing my first blog post in two/three months. But it has never been my intention to fill this space with mandatory updates and to chronicle my life's events. It has merely been an escape; a place that allows me the privilege to ramble, ponder and judge my actions in retrospect. And that's what it shall be.
Every now and then, I stop and ask myself if I am being "good". If I am remembering to keep doors held open, working hard and being independent etcetera. One of my prime concerns is to not get too emotionally wound up with anything or anybody. It's also my biggest weakness, so I need to keep myself surrounded by people that remind me of it, which luckily, I have found.
In the last two months, I feel like I have changed as a person. They say it's not the place that matters but who you are with. And perhaps it is true. After a long time...maybe a lifetime, even, I have spent time with myself. Properly, without cheating. I have gone on walks alone, enjoying the feeling of being lost in a country that is separated by an ocean from home. Revelling on the pleasure of discovering new things that give me happiness. New experiences that I don't wish to share with anybody and cherish as my own. In the last two months, I have realized the beauty of things that are personal, that I can hold close to my heart and not be compelled to dissect and share and somehow in the process, see the shades of the entire picture turn duller. I have witnessed random incidents and people that have made me cheerful and filled me with a sense of unexplainable hope. Hope for a future that will hold infinite possibilities. For a present not marred with the constant fear of being lonely.
In the last two months, I have realized what I truly seek from my life; Beauty, in any form.
The beauty of sitting on the Spanish Steps and watching a newly wed bride throw a bouquet of flowers to a square full of nearly a thousand strangers, all joining in to celebrate her happiness. Each one of them, taking some time off their own agendas and sparing it to add some more joy to her special day.
The beauty of wandering alone in the rain from the milky white steps of the Piazza Venezia to the Forum, being lost in the crowds of a city that felt like Home, the minute I stepped into it. Being led by infinite faith in its people...the beauty of naivete.
The beauty of a small shop that takes your breath away when you bump into it while not expecting to. The thousand handwritten notes tacked all over its walls. Messages from students on backpacking trips, couples newly wed, writers, artists, dreamers. Messages to strangers, to share with them the joy they felt on discovering beauty where they didn't expect to.
The beauty of realizing ones own worth in the middle of sprawling squares, ancient buttresses, breathtaking gardens and bubbling fountains. The beauty of realizing that all that beauty could be yours if you chose to seize it. The wonderful realization that you are beautiful in your own way, and you are the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle to your happiness. The relief of knowing that there is nobody else that you need to complete it.
The feeling of wholeness.
The feeling of being complete.
The feeling of being satisfied.
The feeling of being happy.
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